i've been MIA for a long time...a REALLY long time. i've meant to post so many times but just haven't gotten around to it.
you see, there is a new man in my life. he's ridiculously adorable and takes up most of my time. and he's worth it - he's SO worth it.
how do i sum up the past three months? i could write a novel. we've been through so much...
i'll try to keep it short
labour and delivery was BRUTAL. yes B R U T A L. Four days, three failed inductions. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS for the epidural.
he was so very worth every ounce of pain. there were a few minor concerns that turned out to be nothing.
but he was born quite a little peanut considering our sizes...
it is SO TRUE the camera adds ten pounds because in that picture he looks so chubby but he was sooooo teeny tiny.
a week after he was born he got to meet his Lady Baba
and his Papa Hugs
and we had newborn pictures done by the wonderful Lorraine Lorette
but then something went wrong. it went very wrong. he still wasn't gaining weight despite our best efforts and breastfeeding like a champ.
we went to a routine doctor's appointment when he was 10 days old. he had developed a heart murmur. that combined with the lack of weight gain was troubling for his doc so she sent us to CHEO for some tests. THANKFULLY we were able to get in the next day.
he underwent a few tests that took a few hours in total. as he was going through the testing denis and i were planning what we would do after the appointment. LITTLE DID WE KNOW.
after the last test we were taken into an exam room. slowly, one by one more and more people entered. nurses, doctors, specialists, the social worker. it couldn't be good. hunter had what is called a coarctation of the aorta. he no longer had a pulse in his legs/feet. blood wasn't pumping to his lower extremities. we were SO LUCKY to have the doctor we had and to get in so quickly because basically things changed from one appointment to the other. he was immediately admitted into the NICU (do not pass go, do not collect $200) and put on medication to stabalize him until emergency surgery was possible.
it was completely heartbreaking to see our little man in the NICU and yet we were the lucky ones. we had the "healthiest sick baby." the staff was nothing short of AMAZING. they truly are angels on earth. his first night his nurse took the time to make him a name tag card for his bed and she also made us a card. the card had three tulips on it (two big and one little) to represent the three of us. on the inside she had done his hand and footprints. i cried so hard when i got it. we hadn't had a chance to do that yet and knowing our little man could possibly not survive made it that much more special.
the next morning we did an "emergency" baptism in his room. the hospital made an exception and allowed my parents, denis' mom and one of hunter's godmother's (d's cousin tanya) into his room for the ceremony. we also chose my niece rylee to be the other godmother (he doesn't have a godfather). we really wanted our good friend father robbie to be a part of the ceremony and he agreed to "say" the ceremony over iphone from winnipeg while the hospital chaplain poured the water, etc. talk about a high-tech baptism!
ironically enough my mom had brought our family baptismal gown with her. never in a million years did we think we'd be using it so soon. it was made from the train of her wedding down and my sister and i as well as my niece and nephew and now hunter were all baptized in it.
the rest of the day was a bit of a blur. we met with so many medical professionals, the social worker and even a geneticist. there was come concern his heart issue could be part of a disorder or syndrome. we have since learned that at this point in their testing that is not the case (thankfully). we made phone calls. we hugged. we cried. we prayed. we tried not to think of the unthinkable. the procedure was explained to us multiple times by multiple professionals. we were given the risks. we were told what to expect. we were prepared for a long road ahead. even the best-case scenarios seemed rough. amazingly that night we both slept. a deep hard emotionally and physically exhausted sleep.
the next day was by far one of the most difficult days of our lives. we were staying at ronald mcdonald house and got to the hospital bright and early to spend time with our little man before they took him away. the nurses kept saying how great he was...a dream baby. they expected him to be miserable because he wasn't getting any food.
we took many pictures - a special family portrait indeed.
at 8 a.m. on the dot a large team came in to take him away. i had only been a mom for two weeks. i needed more time. i was so torn. part of me didn't want to let him go but the other part knew that i had no choice. to say i was an emotional wreck was an understatement. we later learned that one of the nurses told the surgeon that after seeing me, she never wanted to go to take a baby from the nicu again. she said it was far too traumatic.
hunter was wheeled down a few long hallways. it felt like he was being taken to the electric chair. denis said the last hallway felt like the longest he's ever seen.
they paused to give us one last look before wheeling him away...(i can't figure out how to rotate on here)
denis and i were given a small private room that all cardiac parents are given the day of surgery. we were given hourly updates on how the surgery was going. it took them nearly two hours just to "prep" him. his body temperature had to be lowered to 32 degrees as a precaution to prevent paralysis. he was clamped for 42 minutes. surgery was originally scheduled until roughly 3 p.m. he was out by just after noon. surgery was a SUCCESS!
while he was on the table we happened to go downstairs to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. i started crying. a sweet older lady who was volunteering as part of the radioathon came over and asked if i was ok. i told her what was up. she reassured me. she went over and told our story to others and word got out what was happening. as it turned out the organizers of the radioathon had heard about our story and come looking for us the night before to ask us to do an interview. they came over in the cafeteria and ask. we agreed to come back after our next update.
we did interviews on two different stations. our story was raw. our little guy was on the table. we could not hold back the tears and neither could those who were interviewing us. one of the organizers said in over 20 years of radioathons he had never seen parents interviewed while their child was in the OR. hunter's story touched many. we were told the phones lit up after people heard about him. we were also told people were calling during the day for updates on him. as soon as we got the good news that surgery was a success we RUSHED downstairs to share with all of the people who had been supporting us all morning. they celebrated with us. they also asked if we would be willing to come back and do an update after we were able to see him.
after what seemed like forever, we were able to go to the PICU (pediatric ICU) and see our little man in a great big bed. we had been warned about all of the wires and tubes that would be coming out of him. we were told he would be on a ventilator. HE WAS NOT! they were able to remove the breathing tube while he was still in the OR. what a little trooper! he did have quite a few wires but we had been very well prepared and he actually looked much better than expected.
it was so funny because his nose was SO RED. nobody knew why. i said it's because all of the nurses were busy kissing him. he had to be placed under a plastic sheet for a few hours as they brought his body temperature back up.
the nurse that i had "traumatized' pre-op came back to see him. Dr. Maharajh told her to come with him to give us the good news about surgery so she could see the "happy" side...
he was SUCH a trooper. most kids are on a steady morphine drip. he just had a few doses. they never gave him the drip. we were told he would likely be on blood pressure meds for a while, possibly long term. he was on them for 30 minutes! he had to go on for another 30 minutes a few hours later when his pain spiked which in turn spiked his blood pressure. so much of what we had been prepared for didn't apply in his case.
after spending some time with him we returned to the radioathon as an ultrasound was performed on his brain to make sure nothing had happened in surgery. we did more interviews. that day it felt like the entire city was behind us. we had people coming up to us saying they had heard the morning interviews and were sitting in their cars or offices crying as we told hunter's story. they rejoiced with us when the news was good. we were even asked to come back at the end of the day to announce the final total since hunter's story had been such a big part of the day.
in the end over $200,000 was raised for CHEO.
the next hours and days went remarkably well. hunter healed. quickly. faster than expected. although he had been off the breast nearly five days as soon as we got the green light he took to it like he had never been off.
his amazing surgeon Dr. Maharajh checked on him frequently. even he was amazed with his progress.
i was able to "celebrate" my very first mother's day in the hospital. it was definitely not where i expected to celebrate, but in the end all that mattered was that our baby was ok. in the PICU there were other mothers who weren't that lucky...
the very next day we got the best possible news...hunter was cleared to come home. just four days post-op. we had planned for two to three weeks so four days was so amazing.
my parents were still in town, but most of their visit was spent stranded at our house while we were in the hospital. at least they had a few days with the hunter man before they had to go home.
in the weeks and months since his surgery we have just kept close to home mostly. we are settling in nicely into parenthood. hunter is about as much of a dream baby as a parent could ask for. he loves his sleep and snuggles and smiles.
we did our first family vacation to niagara falls and toronto at the end of june. denis had to go for a week for work so we tagged along.
the following week hunter met his cousins for the first time. lady baba and papa hugs brought his cousins for a nearly three-week visit from winnipeg.
we stayed at a hotel in downtown ottawa for a few days for canada day festivities. papa hugs, hunter and i stayed back at the hotel while the others explored parliament hill.
we spent the following week and a bit enjoying summer around our house and in ottawa. then we headed off to Montreal for a few days where hunter had his first train ride (slept through the entire thing). i took the kids to see taylor swift and the following night we saw the lion king back in ottawa.
the family has gone home now and we sure do miss them. lady baba took great care of us all by doing laundry and cleaning, organizing, cooking, snuggling, feeding, changing...you name it. every day papa hugs would snuggle hunter for a few hours as he slept. rylee and hayden kept him entertained and rylee even helped with changing him.
these last three months have been nothing like what i envisioned them to be and yet they have been incredibly wonderful in their own way. after losing our first two babies and nearly losing hunter, it's much easier to stop and appreciate the everyday moments that life has in store for us.
one thing i know for sure is denis and i were born to be parents. denis is nothing short of an amazing dad. whenever he's in the room hunter "finds" him with his eyes and just stares and smiles. it is the sweetest thing to see.
motherhood is my most favourite role hands down. then again, he makes it easy. i figured i would like it, but i never expected to love it THIS MUCH. i keep saying if we were in our early 20s i'd want to follow in the Duggars' footsteps!!!
i really hope/plan to update this blog on a more regular basis with everyday fun moments.
here are a few last pictures from hunterooni fartootski's 3 month photo shoot...
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